This just in: My cousin Elma is a psychic and she recorded Bob and his new girlfriend's thoughts during their excursion to the video store. Here it is, unedited:
Bob: "This is great. I have this great new girl and she loves everything I do. Thank God she did not wander into my basement the other night. I am going to have to work the cross dressing fetish in when the relationship is more established."
Avia: "This is great! I have this new boyfriend and it is so easy to please him. Gee, I wonder what this store sells? I don't care, as long as it is shopping."
Bob: "OK, don't act like I come here every day. I don't want to reveal I have blown all my paychecks on this hobby. I will limit my purchases to 15 DVDs today. I can do it, I can do it, I can do it. Don't forget to let her buy one and not to act like it is a stupid movie, no matter what it is."
Avia: "OK, those discy things are movies, right? Don't forget to feint interest in whatever he buys. Maybe he will buy one that I want. Or better yet. I will test his honesty by picking the dumbest film ever and see if he will give me an honest reaction. I wish I could stomach "Titanic" again just to see if he REALLY likes me. Oh, cool, this "Power Rangers" movie ought to do it. On second though, all this fighting may trigger an uncontrolled conversion. I have not told Bob about "Madam Mantra of Death" yet. Thank God he has not wandered into my basement. My last date did not even stay to finish dinner. Oh my God, there is my last boyfriend Tom. I hope he does not see . . . too late.
Bob: "Look, there is some guy over there checking out Avia. I will just move closer to her to let him know she is mine."
Avia: "Maybe he won't say anything. Good, Bob is coming over. Gee, Tom hardly has a limp anymore. And he tried to tell me he was really hurt, that wimp. Make note to clean up blood stain in corner of basement."
Bob: "Look at the way that guy just looks at us and smiles. I'll bet he wishes he were I. Too bad, wimp!"
Avia: "Change focus, quick. Oh,look there is 'Fight Club'. Maybe if I force Bob to watch it twenty or thirty times he will be 'ready'.
Bob: "I cannot believe this! She is actually picking up FC and looking at it. Does she have any idea what a boy movie this is? She is putting it in the cart! I am in heaven! Now she is looking "Power Rangers". How could anyone watch that crap? Don't make a face, don't make a face. Be nice. On the other hand, "Power Rangers" is a form of cross-dressing isn't it. Maybe I can work it in."
Avia: "I need to plan carefully. I think I Bob is the one. I sense a little kinkiness to him. He may like the 'Madam Mantra of Death'. If he holds out for six months, I am getting pregnant. My clock is running and I can't go on forever. Then he will be mine and he will get rid of all that electronics crap. I could probably buy a BMW with the money. The stupid listening room will make a nice baby's room. Smile and ask if he wants any more movies."
Bob: "Nothing fazes her. She is the one. I sense a little kinkiness to her. Maybe I will mention 'Bobra' tonight."
Avia: "Make note to buy him a Bose wave radio for his birthday. . . . . . . transmission lost . . . .
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